My dear friend, I remember promising you that I would be back to the hospital. As I lean closer to you while you drifted in and out of consciousness. I whispered in your ear in a soft-spoken voice, promising you that I would be back to the hospital to say my final goodbyes, just so I could hold onto your Spirit just a little while longer.
“This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Matthew 6:9-14 (NIV)
Somehow, I have learned to lean on my own strength now that you are in a better place, resting and smiling down on me from heaven. I remember laying my head down next to yours’ while you were in the hospital bed awaiting the days of your afterlife transition. The touch of your hand pressed up against my face was a sign to let me know you embraced my physical presence graciously. Then, you proceeded to put your arm around the back of my neck as my head laid next to yours with tears flowing down my face in a state of toska. So, I had to turn my face to the wall, just so you wouldn’t see the tears of sorrow rolling down my face. I will never forget the stillness of your body, as I watched your fainting heartbeat raise up and down during the midst of your shallow chest caving in with the victory of your heart stopping. All the while I knew it was just a matter of time you would be physically leaving me for the last time to go and be with the Heavenly Father.
I wish I could’ve had the chance to share one more of everything with you that made my heart call you my best friend for life. I wish I could hear you laugh one more time, but now I only have the reminders of you sitting across from me with that witty personality that matched mines.
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
Luke 4:18-19 (NIV)
Over the years our levels of trust grew, allowing us to talk about any and everything. We learned to lean on each other daily. Through weekly conversations we both were able to find ways to make it through life’s battle grounds. During our roughest days, and even feel like given up days we leaned on each other for strength to make it through another day journey. We both shared a place of halcyon, and now that you are gone I feel all alone. Even lost in my own world of emotional being some days. But, our friendship flowed with a grace of redamancy. I will never forget your voice of grace.
“As for God, his way is perfect:
The LORD’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the LORD?
And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
and keeps my way secure.”
2 Samuel 22:31-33
New International Version (NIV)